On Father’s Day- appreciating and loving more

It’s been a long time since I blogged… so it’s kinda funny that I’m choosing to write today, on father’s day of all days.  Not because I have anything against Fathers but as a single mother, I’ve raised my kids without the presence or support of their biological father, and so Father’s day can seem sorta’ tricky to me.  After all, who are you supposed to celebrate when you’re a mother and the “other party” (as my kids have taken to calling, well, the other party)  is not there?  It can bring up ALL kinds of feelings.  From anger, to disappointment, to self-criticism BUT I am choosing something different this year.   I want to celebrate the dad’s (and brothers) who helped raise my kids, and continue to do that.  And my dad, my adoptive father, was and is one of them.

So, today, I am writing this post to talk about my own Father, because even though things weren’t perfect between us he taught me a lot.  And, when I started this blog I was really thinking through what it meant to not have a biological father that I could claim.  But I did have a father.  So, here we are again, on the subjects of Fathers… and this a little bit of what I know about mine.

MY Father has been one of the most consistent people I know.  Despite our many disagreements (about beliefs, life choices, etc.)  he has always been very clear with me that I am HIS daughter, and he is MY father.  He’s loved me through it all.

Recently, he got pretty sick.  He’s in his 80’s and it was something that I guess we’re supposed to expect at this point.  He is beginning/ has begun to suffer from dementia.  It’s a sad thing, for sure.  It was particularly hard to deal with because of my difficult and estranged relationship to my adoptive mother.  Wait, did I mention this was my adoptive father I’m talking about?  Because it is.  And yet, I’ve begun to realize that I’ve never thought about any other man as a Father to me.  Even when (if you’ve read my blog you’ll know this part) I found out the actual name of my actual biological father, I never stopped thinking of MY father, my adoptive father, as the only dad I’ve ever had.  And, so, there I guess it all boils down to that.

This father, that lives in Massachusetts, that I’ve spend so many years struggling with, that I’ve held so tightly when he was sick, that I’ve hoped would see ALL of whom I am and still think I’m a good person, that I’ve wanted to show my life to, that I’ve wanted to make proud, THIS father, is my dad.  The only dad I’ve got, the only dad I ever wanted to have and the only dad I think about when I think about this day, Father’s day.

Again, he’s been one of the most consistent people I know.  When my kids were little, and I didn’t have a car, he would drive every morning to my house to pick them up and take them to preschool, so I could go to work.  When we moved, he would drive two hours to meet me and take them for the weekend, so I could study for school and have a break.  He gave so much love to them, and always made it clear that they were perfect beings in the world.  I think he was really disappointed when I told him, at 16 years old, that I was pregnant.  And that definitely changed our relationship forever.  But he always made it clear that we were family, that my kids were good, and that he loved and wanted to help us succeed.

Over the last two decades my dad got old.  His body changed, and his ability to be there for us, the way he had always been there changed too.  We tried to stay in touch with him.  We (the kids and I) would go visit, and try to keep our relationship going. We talked when we could but things have always been sort of complicated between my adoptive mother and myself, so it was always sort of hard to stay in close touch.  But when I saw his sick, last April, during my one trip home since I moved, it made my heart want to break.  Was this man, the only dad I’d ever known, was he maybe going to die?   Each time I would see him on our visits home, I would see how age was impacting him.  I remember once, when he first started using a walker, that I felt so sad for him, I had to go in the bathroom and cry.  I didn’t want to think of him as old. Not because being old was even something bad.. but because in some weird way being old in my family (to my mother and my dad), looked like it made them so isolated.  And, for as much as I remember my mother pushing everyone away, I remember my dad as a social butterfly.  So, it hurt to think that he didn’t have a community around to support him, and I *hoped* that my assessment of that isolation was wrong… but I think it’s been right.

Anyhow, on this last visit home, when he got so sick he needed to go to the hospital- and all kinds of old things between my mother and myself were stirred up-  and I desperately tried to figure out if I needed to move back home (something I decided against because of my estranged relationship with my mother) and tried to gage if this might be the last time I saw him.  I realized it was stupid to think that way, so I focused on trying to figure out if he had everything he needed to be taken care of, to live as comfortably as possible  (something that seemed to threaten my adoptive mother and caused all sorts of weird tensions between us).  After all, wasn’t that something he taught me.  That’s what family did- we took care of each other.  Even when things were hard, even when we didn’t totally agree with everything the other members of our families were doing, we still took care of each other.  So, during that moment, I tried to do the best I could to make sure he was ok and would be ok.  It was really hard, seeing the man that had held my hand when I was little, taught be about laughing so loud a room could vibrate, who took the time to read to me every day, and tried his best to teach me what he thought was best (even if in the long run I didn’t agree), and who taught be about putting Faith and Family first, be so sick.   My dad, despite our many differences, is one of the greatest guys I know.  His heart is a good heart, and his intentions have always been honest.  He’s walked with his own integrity, and taught me that it isn’t material things that matter.   He’s been a straight up man for his whole life (or, ok, for as long as I’ve known him), been loyal to his wife, and done his best to be there for me and my kids.  And, when it all comes down to it, that’s all we can all ever do.  Do our best.  Right?  His religious vigor has caused us some differences over the years, and his old school ways and beliefs have also kept us more estranged than what I’d like to be but I have learned so much from him.  So, when I saw him in the hospital bed, and knew that I had to leave, that the reality was, even though I didn’t want to think about it, that could have been the last time I would see him… my heart just sank.  I had to keep leaving the room to stop myself from crying, and had to have some SERIOUS conversations with some amazing teachers, to stay grounded.

Finally, after two weeks, when it came time for me to leave, my dad reached out his hand to me and looked me in the eye, and said, “after all these years, you’re still taking care of me”.   That touched my heart so deeply.  Could this man, who spend his whole life taking care of ME, see that in my own small ways I’d been trying to take care of him, too?  It was just so typical of him.  To name something that I thought he couldn’t see, to acknowledge something that I thought had been ignored.  To heal something that had been so damaged with just such a tiny statement.

I haven’t been able to talk to him since I left.  They sent him to rehab shortly after that, and now he’s back home with my adoptive mother and she doesn’t really bring him to the phone anymore.  Yesterday, in Temazcal, I felt really called to pray for him.  I hope in these days of his life, he is feeling loved, cherished, cared for, respected and honored for the person he’s been in this world.  I hope he’s getting to experience joy.  He made a lot of people laugh and he taught me the value of music, and literacy, and serving community. I hope there are powerful reflections of this for him, now.  I am so grateful that I got to witness this kind of dad, and I hope he feels that love emanating towards him, now.

Besides the things I mentioned above, here’s some other things I learned from watching my dad:

Love is complex, it isn’t simple.  You can love someone with all their flaws, and they can love you back with all your flaws.  You don’t have to be blood to act like it.  Walking with faith, patience, commitment, an open heart, and integrity are still the most powerful things you can do in life.   Laughter, really is, the best medicine. Garlic, honey and what germ oil will cure anything!  The value of whole foods, prepared in traditional ways really is unmeasurable.  Invest in your body, mind, and Spirit.  Play a musical instrument (he played the piano and the accordion, daily).  God/ the Great Spirit/  the Universe/  the Creators, are good!- develop a relationship with them, when times are hard, lean into it, when times are good, give Praise, and express thankfulness every chance you get.  Speak your truth.  Take care of whatever is yours.  Don’t over-invest in material things, they’re not worth it, instead, expand your mind, and keep mentally sharp.  Keep asking questions, always.

Ultimately, I guess lots of these lessons are lessons we can learn from whatever teachers we choose to allow into our lives.  I’m thankful that I got to learn these from my dad.  And, that he was a good teacher to me.  Today,  I am choosing to release the hardship that came in our relationship.  I am choosing to forgive him for his flaws, and I am choosing to let go of the messages that weren’t so positive.   And, finally, I’m wise enough to understand that this isn’t about sugar-coating the damage that was done in our relationship but it’s about choosing the pieces I want to keep.  And truth be told, there were/ are lots of them.  I want to live in appreciation, I want to LOVE more.  And, part of that process is letting go of the hurt, and anger and sadness that came from my relationship with my dad.  I want to remember what is good about us. Because there was lots.   He really gave me a good foundation for what kind of son I want to raise, what kind of men I want to have in my life, and what kind of open hearts I want to connect with and I really am thankful for that.

I guess that’s all.  Here’s to learning lots of lessons from all our teachers, and to living more in appreciation.  Happy Father’s day, y’all.

forgiving our fathers
by dick lourie

How do we forgive our Fathers?
Maybe in a dream
Do we forgive our Fathers for leaving us too often or forever
when we were little?

Maybe for scaring us with unexpected rage
or making us nervous
because there never seemed to be any rage there at all.

Do we forgive our Fathers for marrying or not marrying our Mothers?
For Divorcing or not divorcing our Mothers?

And shall we forgive them for their excesses of warmth or coldness?
Shall we forgive them for pushing or leaning
for shutting doors
for speaking through walls
or never speaking
or never being silent?

Do we forgive our Fathers in our age or in theirs
or their deaths
saying it to them or not saying it?

If we forgive our Fathers what is left?

An open letter to my Hermanito: On queer, brown, adoptee love and what comes between

Querido Hermano,

It just didn’t feel right to leave today, on this new exciting adventure without taking the time to say all the things I’ve shared with you in moments, here, openly, for the world to witness our love.   Because, this love, is queer, it is brown, it is an adoptee true love, and it, like us, was never supposed to exist… but like most things that move beyond surviving this brown, queer, adoptee love is resilience embodied.  It is beyond magical and stands on its own two feet, fierce, a force to be reckoned with.

Over the last 6 years we have  become phamilia.   We’ve created a new language of queer love with each other, one that has taught me more about how to love, trust, respect, honor and walk with compassion than any other journey (with the exception of motherhood) that I’ve ever been on.

Over the past 6 years, we have laughed, cried (well, mostly I’ve cried), fought and transformed with one another.  We’ve figured out how to set our boundaries, and how to challenge each other. We’ve learned about affirmation, and celebration and intention and accountability, in real, lived, practical ways.

You have helped me raise my children, a job I don’t think you ever signed up for but took on with true grace and with all the integrity I know you to hold in this world.

You’ve reminded me to laugh, when things feel hard, to keep questioning, to keep listening, to keep learning, and, most importantly, to keep the FAITH.

You have reminded me to not take things to seriously, even when they’ve felt so overpowering.  You’ve shown up to fix things when they’re broken, to soothe me when I’m hurting, to celebrate our phamilia, you’ve shown up for so many parts of our everyday life,  to support  us all in so many ways, and, most importantly,  even when things have been tough, you’ve always just kept showing up.

This IS a brown, queer, adoptee love, what we’ve grown.  It’s something that I’ve only ever witnessed to exist between femmes and their fags… something that is so deep, so true that I believe can only be magically created in a place where two spirits so familiar with gender variance, gender performance and the complexities of the queer brown body meet.  We knew each other the minute we laid eyes on each other- the way that appearances can be deceiving, the way that language can sometimes never explain exactly who we be, and the way that learning to trust can sometimes only be built between spirits.  We created a deep potion between us, brewed together through parts of defiance, of resilience, of hope.  Your fierce fag spirit, my femme diva self, each of us different parts of a story of resistance, each embedded with the historical memory of what it means to exist, as Audre Lorde said, “when we were never meant to survive”.

Today, I am packing my final boxes and saying goodbye to this land, our home together for the last 6 years.   We’ve never lived more than 20 minutes away from each other since we met, and the times we’ve been farther than down the street have been few.

To put into words what it feels like to leave you is hard.  It is hard because it feels like I never hear or see queers lament the loss (even by choice) or their queer partners.   And by partners, I don’t mean the heteronormative partnerships that gain support or visibility through mainstream approval, I mean, the queer partnerships that form out of complex, often un-affirmed unions between two queer spirits when we make phamilia with each other.  So, I am writing this to historicize our relationship because there are so few examples of this sort of relationship available, and I want to make visible what exists and has existed in reality between us.  You have been my brother, my fag, my best friend, my co-parent, and so many titles for so many different years.  In some ways, I think we have grappled for language to affirm what exists between us for audiences whose consciousness have not yet witnessed this queer, brown, adoptee love before and need words to understand a feeling, a meeting of our spirits.   This brown, queer, adoptee love has taken us down many journeys and today, I am saying a prayer and holding a hope that this next journey will only bring us to new depths.  I am opening up to the possibilities that this separation will only create more opportunities to grow with you.

Between packing today I read an email from the phenomenal Alixa/Naima duo of Climbing Poetry, the header said, “raindrop let go and become the ocean”, and inside it read, “ possibility is as wide as the space we create to hold it”.  Never in a million years, would I have guessed what joy, love, and tremendous life lessons this queer, brown, adoptee love could bring to me.   The possibilities are endless if we allow them to enter… I am reminding myself of this today.  That this solid, this magic between us can be held over the miles, that our raindrop selves can be part of a beautiful ocean, still connected even when we are flowing in different directions.

Hermanito, I love you.  I thank you for all you have been to me.  I thank you for the proof that queer, brown, adoptee love can and does exist.  I thank you for being willing to hold this space between us and staying in it.  You mean the world to me.  I am excited to see what our next chapters will hold.  What journeys this life will lead us on, and what great ways the Spirits will lead us to grow with each other.

In writing this, I give thanks to the Great Spirits who knew exactly, perfectly, and exquisitely who to unite each of us with.  I thank them for bringing you into our lives, and pray to them that they protect you, as I know they will.

Yours always, in Spirit and Truth.

-tk

Embracing the freak-out moments too

I am freaking out about my move.

Yesterday, I took my entire family (including my queerbestfriendforever/bestbrotherever and my fur babies) to visit my parents, and to scope out a new home for one of our fur babies potential new homes.   It was a sorta rushed visit because we had things to do right before we left and then things we needed to do when we returned… and there was CRAZY traffic so we were all pretty exhausted from being in the car by the time we got there.  Regardless, it was an ok trip but I feel like all of that might have contributed to my overwhelming emotion at seeing my dad, the man that raised me, growing old.

It’s not like I haven’t seen him recently, but yesterday was different.  I guess because I’m so worried about what leaving him and going across the country is going to mean.  Will he be ok while I’m gone?  How will I know what is happening?  Who (besides my also aging mother) is going to care for him (them)?

I haven’t told them we’re leaving yet and I am so nervous about what that conversation is going to look like.

When we left the house I broke down in the car, I couldn’t stop crying and thinking about what a risk it feels like to leave right now. What if there is no dad to come home to?  What if this is a bad time to make this move?

This morning, I woke up and went right into anxiety mode.  It feels like making this move is putting so many of my relationships right on the line.  How am going to make it without some of the biggest/realest security blankets I’ve ever had. My dad, my brother, and my dog.  It’s like tearing my heart out of my body.  So, I’ve been freaking out all day.  (well, in reality, it’s 2 waking hours), and after some reassuring texts, I am FINALLY reminding myself that freaking-out is part of the process.

Normally, I tend to want to skip over the emotional freak-out and head right to the “I have faith” portion of things.. it makes me feel more secure to know that someone/ something else has a master plan at work for me, and so I try to get myself to that place of remembering right away.  Today, my spirit just isn’t gonna let me go there… or at least not right away.  SO, I’m slowing things down and creating space for myself to remember to breathe, feel, love and hold myself compassionately.  Today, instead of moving on and moving forward, I am going to create time to sit still and let myself grieve.

I am leaving my dad, and my brother, and the little dog that has stolen my heart.  And it hurts so much, I can’t do anything but cry about it.  And, I am accepting that this hurt, this sadness, is part of my process.  If I wasn’t freaking out.. well, that would be sadder.

I wanted to write about this because I wanted to share this icky part of the process with y’all too.  I’m committed to embracing the freak-out moments too, and today I’m creating more space to allow myself some self-care to guide me through this space too.  Wish me luck and lots of deep breathing y’all.  I’ll be excited to share what comes next with you soon.

xo.

Learning how to release and let go.

Today I am thinking about how to embrace release.  Over the past few months I’ve made a decision to move my family across country.  After a grueling process of negotiating with myself, reasoning with myself, doubting myself, and questioning myself, I’ve finally come to a place of understanding that this is a move that I want.  I’ve moved so many times in my life from a place of necessity. When I was 8, I was forced to leave a country I love and move here (to Massachusetts), and I don’t think I’ve ever managed to fully recover from that.  Leaving an abusive relationship when I was a teen displaced me into homelessness, and it seems like I’ve been struggling to make home ever since.  I’ve had lots of places that have felt like home, and lots of places that I’ve been content with, and I’ve had an incredibly blessed life… but there’s always been parts of me that have hungered for something else.  The thing is, when you’re a single mama, state-dependent, moving can not only feel really hard, it can be really hard.  Deciding that I’m willing to risk everything I know, including the skills it takes to navigate certain systems (healthcare, housing, etc.)  to pursue some “dream” can often fall at the bottom of your priority list, especially when you’re actively trying to engage in growing a healthy secure family, and pay your bills.

This past year has been transformational for me.  It seems like it started with small nudges, little moments where I began to wonder what would happen if I let go… I mean REALLY let go and just trusted spirit.  Those little nudges got bigger and bigger until finally I had no choice but to walk the talk that I’d begun to hear coming from my mouth, resonating from my spirit.

When I started this blog, I had just started to reunite with some of my spiritual guides.  Actually, it is clear to me now that it was me reuniting with them… not the other way around- they had been there all along, just waiting for me to wake up and recognize them.. to wake up to myself… to wake up the world.. to wake up the spiritual path that had always been there for me.  Over the course of the last two years, this awakening has been such a tremendous journey full of blessings.  Some of the things I’ve learned is that spirit resides here inside you, even when you aren’t able to see it.  I’ve also begun an investigation about how to grow my spiritual self in more meaningful, enriched ways.   When I started to look at what I needed, I started to realize that I need to be somewhere new.  I need a new environment to nurture myself in.  I need a new landscape to help me on my path.

What’s funny about that discovery was that I had made my mind up about staying here.  After years of wrestling with the idea of moving, this Spring I decided I was finally ready to stay put. Then I traveled to the Southwest and everything I thought I knew changed.  I tried to ignore the feeling I got, the YOU NEED THIS whisper (read: yelling) in my ear.  I didn’t want to leave what I knew.  I didn’t want to feel the pull, and TRUST ME, I tried to resist, and when I came home, I tried to discuss (with ANYONE who would listen) how silly, ridiculous, earth-shattering this desire felt.

I guess, if I had resources to leave, I probably would have a long time ago… but I didn’t and dreaming of going somewhere was the best I could do.  I’ve built a pretty strong support system around me, and I’ve done a lot of work in my community… from small things to larger things, I’ve felt really blessed to have the opportunity to grow with some of the many talented, creative, wonderful people that my local community has to offer.  So, besides the fact that I’ve never really felt like I had the resources to make this move, I’ve also always carried some fear about leaving the main support that my family has had over the last 14 years.  Yes, it’s been 14 years here… and I am just beginning to unpack all the various ups and downs that we’ve (our family) has experienced while we’ve been here.

After all, I raised my kids here.  I built my queer phamily here.  I met and am in love with some of my best friends here.  I know this land, the ways to so many of my most favorite sacred spots here, and I’ve grown myself here. And yet, even with all this said, I know I need something else.

Here’s the most outrageous part of this whole story.  Despite my deep love affair with New Mexico (which is where I was when I first realized my desire to move was still so strong), the real urge to MOVE came from a least expected location visit… and I still don’t fully understand why.  In April, I had the opportunity to travel to L.A.  a place I’ve been many times before, and suddenly, I KNEW.  There was no denying it.  I needed to make a move… and I needed to make a move to L.A.

Wow.  Have you ever moved on spirit?  It seems like this last year has really been a lesson for me about trusting myself and trusting Spirit and taking ACTION.  In typical tk fashion, I came home and worked SUPER hard, in a SUPER conflicted way to discourage myself from paying attention to my feeling.  But, when Spirit is involved, it’s hard to ignore all the urging.  When I silenced myself, and released my fear, I heard my inner-voice, I FELT what I was feeling inside… and I knew it was time.

One of my mentor’s used to say: “little by little, then all of the sudden”… this year I am really learning what that means.  Little by little I made space to hear me.  Little by little I made space to feel Spirit.  Little by little I am awakening… and little by little I was in motion.  I can feel the all of the sudden right around the corner.  All of the sudden, this dream, this relocation, this release, this transformation, it’s happening.  We are moving.. we are letting go of almost everything we own, we are trusting that Spirit is guiding our way, and we are moving across country.

Boy, it’s big stuff… and every day, I’m wondering, is this a good decision?  Am I ready?  All I REALLY know is that this IS the direction I’m (we’re) supposed to go in.  And, as scary as it all feels, I want this.  Like, SO SO SO bad…want this.  I just wish I could have it all.  My beautiful home, amazing queer phamily, and blessed community there in a new exciting, beautiful space.

I don’t really know the answer to why LA?  It’s just a feeling… and I’m good with that.  I am learning to release and let go, and let the spirit move my soul. I am working on TRUSTING that all we need will unfold, perfectly, just like it is supposed to.  I am practicing faith… and it is hard.. and I hope that you will all help me stay on track with this.. because I know that if you all will hold space for me to keep the my eyes on the prize right now, we will collectively manifest something HUGE here. ❤

Today, I sold my dining room chairs. It might not seem huge but it marks a really big thing for me, since it seemed like it took me forever, for whatever reason, to manage to get some functional chairs to sit at.  I felt panicked, and started to question everything, when I realized the woman was really going to come and get them but now that they’re gone, I feel relieved.   Little by little this house is getting cleared out… and I know that I am only making space for the new: New energies, new adventures, new memories, new blessings, new loves, new phamily.

Here’s to practicing how to release and let go ❤

Light.

tk

the truth.

Or at least today’s truth is this:

I am working hard on figuring out how to heal myself.  I know I have all the tools deep inside me, and everyday I am uncovering, peeling back and unearthing something new.  It feels like I am in a cocoon phase, one that I’ve never truly been allowed to live in before.

As a single/teen mama I’ve never had the luxury of “finding” myself before.  Discovering who it is that I am, deep, deep inside has always seemed like a frivolous activity.  I’m not saying I haven’t done my share of growing/healing/exploring/creating myself, I’m just saying making that the MAIN focus of what I’m doing has felt so self-indulgent… like something only kids with trust-funds get to do, and, honestly, that wasn’t me.

This is new land I’m exploring.  I’m starting to learn what I like.. not just because I SHOULD like it, or am SUPPOSED to like it, or because someone else deemed it IMPORTANT.  I’m also starting to remember that I don’t have to do to things I don’t like.. and I don’t need an excuse for not doing them.

I’ve been a “responsible” adult since I was 16.  (well, you know, as responsible as I had the tools to be)  So there is something incredibly frightening (read: terrifying) about being unemployed right now.  I’m unemployed, and I have NO idea where/when I will get another job, and yet, I feel like I am doing the right thing.  I am making space for me.  I am making space to heal ME.

Instead of organizing and stressing over a business, I’m opening myself up to the possibilities that exist when you follow Spirit.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’m TOTALLY clear that following Spirit wont mean that someday I may have the opportunity to tend to a business or stress about organizing but today it means that I have to; stop, breathe, go to the gym (a lot apparently), pray, get good with my peoples, forgive my self for previous mistakes, learn compassion, pray more, meditate, cook, eat,  LOVE, and work on being the very best me that I can be.

I’m starting to read again.  I’m hungry for healing books and transformative tools.  I’m excited about words and, two days ago, for the first time that I can remember, I took a nap.  I was like a kid.. so resistant, and had a billion reasons why I didn’t want to (mostly because I didn’t feel like I SHOULD) but I did, and it made me feel good.

I am so thankful for this opportunity to heal, to learn, to connect.  I am so thankful for this incredible tremendous privilege (guised as oh-so-scary unemployment), and I just wanna keep reminding myself that I am ok and being IN this journey is way more important than knowing what is going to come at the end of it.

Ya. That’s all. This is my truth for today and I’m sticking to it.

What’s new…

Hello friends,

I’ve been absent for a long time from the blogosphere…. it can be really hard to stay connected and keep writing when everything feels like it is spinning around you.

The last year has been a huge handful of excitement, transition, journey, adventure, climax, confusion and challenge.  Somethings have been hard and others have been so affirming and I’m in the middle of learning lots of big lessons.

I have lots to share and am going to try and commit myself to sharing more regularly.  I want to give you all some updates about what’s been new, especially in relationship to some of my previous posts AND I want to send some updates about the New Mythos Project.  I appreciate all the support that lots of y’all have given me in my life journey and I’m crafting time to share these upates with you, so I appreciate your ongoing patience.

Looking forward to re-connecting.

❤

This is one of the many images that keeps me inspired. Hope you enjoy it too!

INCITE! Western Mass. reading Group

INCITE! Reading Group. First Tuesdays of the month. 7-9 pm.Food For Thought Books Collective, Amherst. Suggested donation 5.00, absolutely nobody turned away for lack of funds.

Dear To tell you the Truth Community,

As a collaboration between To tell you the Truth and Food For Thought Books Collective, I’ve started a new INCITE! Reading group.  This past Tuesday marked our first meeting time and I wanted to share with you that we had a lovely, inspirational, inter-generational group.  It was a pleasure to learn with the folks who attended and I’m really excited about the process that we’re involved in!  In preparation for our next INCITE! reading group I’m sending out these brief notes about the evening.

It is always touching to share the opportunity to read the words of radical people of color and share our thoughts on liberation and self-determination within a circle of women and gender-non-conforming poc.   Collectively, we read the read the intro of  Color of Violence (the INCITE! Book that we are currently focusing on).  We were all deeply moved by the affirmation that the books introduction offered to us.   We talked about ways that we actively combat imperialism, ways that we build community/ combat the culture of detachment, goals of our reading group (including creating media projects and possibly starting a Western Mass. INCITE! Chapter!).  As you can see, there is a lot to be excited about.   We are excited for other women and gender-non-conforming folks of color to feel welcome to join us, so don’t be shy… come when you can! ❤ !

We agreed that each month we’d discuss a certain section of the book and that each of us would do our best to come having pre-read the section and picked out a piece that we’d like to read aloud and discuss with each other.  In addition, on behalf of To tell you the Truth I’m going to share some media making/testimonio skills with the group.

Here’s the schedule that we think makes the most sense:

August 3, 2010 7-9pm –

Section of the Book: Reconceptualizing Anti-Violence Strategies

Media skill: blogging

September 7, 2010 7-9pm-

Section of the Book: Forms of Violence

Media skill: tbd

October 5, 2010 7-9pm-

Section of the Book: Building Movement

Media skill: tbd

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If you don’t already have the book and are local you can pick it up at Food for Thought Books Collective, you’ll receive 10% off of it if you are a member of the reading group.

Here’s a little info about it:

Color of Violence: The INCITE! Anthology

In the tradition of This Bridge Called My Back, Color of Violence is an urgent, bold, and essential intervention in the war against women of color, their communities, and, ultimately, us all.

INCITE! Women of Color Against Violence, a national organization of radical feminists of color, announces Color of Violence: The INCITE! Anthology, an anthology of critical writings demanding that we address violence against women of color in all its forms, including interpersonal violence, such as sexual and domestic violence, and state violence, such as police brutality, militarism, attacks on immigrants and Indian treaty rights, the proliferation of prisons, economic neo-colonialism, and violence from the medical industry. Color of Violence presents the fierce and vital writing of 33 visionary radical feminists of color. These writers not only investigate the intersecting ways in which violence and oppression exist in the lives of women of color and our communities, they also map innovative strategies of movement building and resistance used by women and trans people of color around the world.

Statement against SB1070 & why I’m supporting the boycott.

I don’t know how much I’ve shared about the organizing work I do locally but, to make  a sort of long story REALLY short, I commit myself to organizing locally, often.

Recently I have been SO completely floored & infuriated by:

1. what is happening in Arizona with the passing of SB1070, a completely racist, xenophobic piece of legislature that targets undocumented folks, specifically latino’s and indigenous folks;

2. the following anti-ethnic studies bill that passed immediately following SB1070, which surely is also intended to specifically target communities of color and, even more specifically, mexican’s and other latino’s, and,

3.  the  ongoing assignment of value to human beings based on completely capitalistic, imperialistic systems that define human beings by dollar values, which, if you’ve been following this blog,  has been an ongoing outrage to me but particularly poignant for me since my latest trip through the southwest (you can read more about that at newmythotour.wordpress.com, the latest entry is actually about NAFTA’s impact on border town and immigrant workers in El Paso)

Therefore, I’m committing myself to organizing locally against SB1070 and joining local residents in making a call to action to our local town to join suit with other cities in boycotting Arizona and becoming a sanctuary city.

I recognize that this is NOT the only means of response that we must take on. In fact, I realize that there are lots of folks who are questioning whether or not boycotts are actually harmful to the very residents we are aiming to support.  I understand those responses and I stand behind this call to boycott for the following reasons:

• I believe in following the call to actions that have been put forth by folks in Arizona and I support self-determination;
• I cannot, in good consciousness, advocate sending my resources, or  my communities resources to a state who has implemented racist-hate-legislation against the very immigrants whose labor they have and continue to benefit from;
• I believe that boycotting has been an effective tool in various social justice movements for various reasons, including;  raising visibility about a particular issue, proving moral outrage, symbolizing solidarity and creating economic pressure, and,
• I choose organizing from a multi-faceted place, recognizing that many means may be necessary and effective if serving in unison. (I think of this organizing from a place of abundance “and/with” instead of a scarcity “either/or”)

So, with all that said,  I will continue to post about what other folks are doing on multiple levels to respond to and counteract this latest Arizona legislature and  I’ll list sources where you can get more info. Here are a few to begin with:

InciteBlog May 1st: Mobilize for Immigration Safety & Justice

InciteBlog: INCITE! LA Chapter Opposes Arizona SB1070

AltoArizona

toki-wright-by-the-time-i-get-to-arizona-redeux: mix for you!

Oh, and a post about Arizona (and other resources) that I co-authored with my collective bookstore, can be found here.

Below is the statement we wrote.  Per usual,  I’d love to hear from y’all.  What are your thoughts on what’s happening in Arizona? What are some ways that you are responding locally?  What are your thoughts on boycotts?  What are resources you’re using/ following to keep up with what’s happening in Arizona?   What are upcoming actions you’d like folks to know about?  Please feel free to post those here.

Peace everyone.

Statement Against SB1070

By: tk (tanya karakashian) tunchez, Lani Blechman on behalf of No Way SB1070-(local organizing group of Western Mass concerned residents against SB1070)

We have written this statement to address our concerns regarding the SB 1070 legislation that recently passed in Arizona.

SB1070 was signed last week by Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona (the same state that a few years ago denied a holiday for Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.). This piece of legislation allows citizens to sue local police departments if they do not feel like the legislation is being enacted effectively, criminalizes transporting, harboring or shielding anyone if the person knows or disregards the fact that they are undocumented and permits law enforcement to question people about their citizenship, based on “reasonable suspicion”.

We agree with Presente.com (a national Latino network) statement that , “(the law) will authorize officers to pull over, question, and detain anyone they have a “reasonable suspicion” to believe is in this country without proper documentation. It’s legalized racial profiling, and it’s an affront on all of our civil rights, especially Latinos”.

We stand in solidarity with the First Nation United statement released April 28, 2010 that,
“This bill is extremely detrimental to the indigenous communities (including indigenous peoples of Latin American origin), which reside in the state of Arizona as well as those who live throughout the country. The language of the bill states that if there is “reasonable suspicion” that a person is an illegal immigrant, a “reasonable attempt shall be made, when practicable” to check for documents. Such language purposefully promotes the racial profiling of brown-skinned people, and in particular, of people of American indigenous background”.

We are calling on the town of Amherst to join suit with San Francisco in boycotting Arizona and ending any and all contracts with Arizona-based companies and to stop doing business with the state.

We are also calling on the town of Amherst to not only act as a sanctuary city, but also to become a sanctuary city by law. Our town government must take action to ensure that municipal funds or resources are not used to enforce federal immigration laws, and that our police and municipal employees do not inquire about anyone’s immigration status.

We place this call of action to the citizens of this community to stand against this legislature. Please do:

• Flood the offices of Governor Jan Brewer, voicing your dissent against this bill.

This is her full contact information:
The Honorable Jan Brewer
Governor of Arizona
1700 West Washington
Phoenix, Arizona 85007
Telephone (602) 542-4331
Toll Free 1-(800) 253-0883
Fax (602) 542-1381

• Boycott national corporations who are headquartered in Arizona. Don’t book a flight on U.S. Airways, don’t get a domain name through Go Daddy, don’t rent a U-Haul truck AND let them know WHY you will not be supporting their businesses. Other businesses include: Petsmart and Cold Stone Creamery. You can find more businesses and other ways to support by visiting: http://padresunidos.org

• Please do support folks in Arizona who are actively resisting this bill by staying up to date on what is happening and following their leads as they make calls to action.

We will continue to stand against this legislation. If you want to support our efforts to form a local critical resistance to this racist-legislature you can email us at nowaysb1070@gmail.com

Self – Portrait.

It’s way smaller than I thought but the quote below says:

“By creating a new mythos – that is, a change in the way we perceive reality, the way we see ourselves, and the ways we behave – la mestiza creates a new consciousness. The work of mestiza consciousness is to break down the subject/object duality that keeps her prisoner and to show in the flesh and through the images in her work how duality is transcended.” –Gloria Anzaldua

Statement of Haiti from Adoptees of Color Rountable

* this is the statement I made reference to in my last blog, find it here: http://www.adopteesofcolor.org/ *

Statement on Haiti

This statement reflects the position of an international community of adoptees of color who wish to pose a critical intervention in the discourse and actions affecting the child victims of the recent earthquake in Haiti. We are domestic and international adoptees with many years of research and both personal and professional experience in adoption studies and activism. We are a community of scholars, activists, professors, artists, lawyers, social workers and health care workers who speak with the knowledge that North Americans and Europeans are lining up to adopt the “orphaned children” of the Haitian earthquake, and who feel compelled to voice our opinion about what it means to be “saved” or “rescued” through adoption.

We understand that in a time of crisis there is a tendency to want to act quickly to support those considered the most vulnerable and directly affected, including children. However, we urge caution in determining how best to help. We have arrived at a time when the licenses of adoption agencies in various countries are being reviewed for the widespread practice of misrepresenting the social histories of children. There is evidence of the production of documents stating that a child is “available for adoption” based on a legal “paper” and not literal orphaning as seen in recent cases of intercountry adoption of children from Malawi, Guatemala, South Korea and China. We bear testimony to the ways in which the intercountry adoption industry has profited from and reinforced neo-liberal structural adjustment policies, aid dependency, population control policies, unsustainable development, corruption, and child trafficking.

For more than fifty years “orphaned children” have been shipped from areas of war, natural disasters, and poverty to supposedly better lives in Europe and North America. Our adoptions from Vietnam, South Korea, Guatemala and many other countries are no different from what is happening to the children of Haiti today. Like us, these “disaster orphans” will grow into adulthood and begin to grasp the magnitude of the abuse, fraud, negligence, suffering, and deprivation of human rights involved in their displacements.

We uphold that Haitian children have a right to a family and a history that is their own and that Haitians themselves have a right to determine what happens to their own children. We resist the racist, colonialist mentality that positions the Western nuclear family as superior to other conceptions of family, and we seek to challenge those who abuse the phrase “Every child deserves a family”  to rethink how this phrase is used to justify the removal of children from Haiti for the fulfillment of their own needs and desires. Western and Northern desire for ownership of Haitian children directly contributes to the destruction of existing family and community structures in Haiti. This individualistic desire is supported by the historical and global anti-African sentiment which negates the validity of black mothers and fathers and condones the separation of black children from their families, cultures, and countries of origin.

As adoptees of color many of us have inherited a history of dubious adoptions. We are dismayed to hear that Haitian adoptions may be “fast-tracked” due to the massive destruction of buildings in Haiti that hold important records and documents. We oppose this plan and argue that the loss of records requires slowing down of the processes of adoption while important information is gathered and re-documented for these children. Removing children from Haiti without proper documentation and without proper reunification efforts is a violation of their basic human rights and leaves any family members who may be searching for them with no recourse. We insist on the absolute necessity of taking the time required to conduct a thorough search, and we support an expanded set of methods for creating these records, including recording oral histories.

We urge the international community to remember that the children in question have suffered the overwhelming trauma of the earthquake and separation from their loved ones. We have learned first-hand that adoption (domestic or intercountry) itself as a process forces children to negate their true feelings of grief, anger, pain or loss, and to assimilate to meet the desires and expectations of strangers. Immediate removal of traumatized children for adoption—including children whose adoptions were finalized prior to the quake— compounds their trauma, and denies their right to mourn and heal with the support of their community.

We affirm the spirit of Cultural Sovereignty, Sovereignty and Self-determination embodied as rights for all peoples to determine their own economic, social and cultural development included in the Convention on the Rights of the Child; the Charter of the United Nations; the UN Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples; and the International Covenant on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights. The mobilization of European and North American courts, legislative bodies, and social work practices to implement forced removal through intercountry adoption is a direct challenge to cultural sovereignty. We support the legal and policy application of cultural rights such as rights to language, rights to ways of being/religion, collective existence, and a representation of Haiti’s histories and existence using Haiti’s own terms.

We offer this statement in solidarity with the people of Haiti and with all those who are seeking ways to intentionally support the long-term sustainability and self-determination of the Haitian people. As adoptees of color we bear a unique understanding of the trauma, and the sense of loss and abandonment that are part of the adoptee experience, and we demand that our voices be heard. All adoptions from Haiti must be stopped and all efforts to help children be refocused on giving aid to organizations working toward family reunification and caring for children in their own communities. We urge you to join us in supporting Haitian children’s rights to life, survival, and development within their own families and communities.

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